Last week found us making an emergency trip to East Texas. J’s grandma isn’t doing well so we caravan’d with my FIL, SIL and her family to go see her for what is likely the last time. We drove at night… and it took 15 hours… ish. It was INSANE. J drove the whole way and I stayed up to keep him awake. We stayed with my folks, though I didn’t manage to spend much time with them. It was GREAT to see them.

The Gang!

We did spend a lot of time with J’s side of the family. It was a great visit with everyone, even if the reason for the trip was less than happy.

Also, I managed to injure myself on the trip. About an hour from our final destination I had to pee… I mean, I had to go with the fire of 1000 suns. We scrambled to find a restroom. Of course, we were on country back roads so it was… a… challenge. We finally found this really questionable looking gas station. We stopped and I dashed in. Unfortunately, THEY DID NOT HAVE A BATHROOM. WTF dudes? Sigh, I rushed out trying to tell my SIL NOT TO GET THE KIDS OUT OF THE CAR TO POTTY and in my haste my foot slid off the concrete step and I went down like a ton of fricking bricks. On the side of the country highway. In broad daylight. GO ME! Sigh. I managed to get back in the Jeep, which, OY! is difficult in the first place because I am short and round, and then we traveled the last hour to my folks. By the time we got there my foot and ankle were badly swollen and I couldn’t walk much or put any pressure on it.

I spent the rest of our first day nursing my fricking foot. Hah! GO ME!

Learning to Stand by Claudia Hall Christian is the 2nd book in her Alex the Fey series. I became enamored of the characters in the first book. The second book just increased my desire to learn more about them! Claudia does a great job of furthering their story, giving the characters some growth and leading us down the rabbit hole of Black Ops. I really enjoyed it! I can’t WAIT for the next installment… which is a year a way… Ummmm… yeah… it’s a good thing I have 11 other books on my Kindle at the moment so I can keep busy while I wait.

I suggest Claudia’s books to anyone that enjoys, mystery, action, adventure all wrapped up with a lil romance and house wife porn thrown in for good measure!!!!

I was not compensated in any way for this post. I purchased Learning to Stand by Claudia Hall Christian from Amazon for my Kindle. I just really, really like the books!

Here’s her task!

“So, my bodacious sistahs – this week, we all want to know what your personal theme song is… and why you chose it. Why it speaks to you and for you. How it makes you feel.”

The song I chose sums up my philosophy on friends and family. It’s also a very natural part of who I am. I’m a care giver, a nurturer by nature. The very first time I heard this song I cried like a baby… an angry, hungry baby! (Points if you can name the movie that’s from!)

I’ll Be – Reba McEntire

I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there’s nobody else around.
I’ll be.
I’ll be.

What song suits you to a T?

I never, EVER get that much sleep. I average 5 hours a night. I’m amazed at how much better I feel today. I have energy! I have wants! I have… **shifty eyes** desires. Tonight will be a repeat performance. More Advil PM and more sleeeeep. (Probably not 13 hours but hopefully 8.)

Our weekend plans are shot because Shecky has a cold so sleep seems a good Plan B. What do you have going this weekend?

**I was not compensated in any way for talking about Advil PM. The makers of this drug don’t even know I exist… though I might should buy some of their stock.**

I hate it when this happens. Truly I do. I feel like it’s my fault even though I realize it’s not entirely or even mostly.

So, tomorrow I go buy stock in Tylenol PM and go buy a bottle of it and try to flip my sleeping schedule around again so life can return to normal. Tomorrow, I AM NOT NAPPING. It’s NOT happening. I’m afraid if it DOES it won’t be a nap and it’ll keep me on this stupid bassackwards schedule.

Anyone wanna volunteer to keep my ass (and the rest of me) awake tomorrow?

Add in one parent being 3 states away and a step-parent or two into the mix and you have total chaos.

I love my son. He’s the most important thing in my life. He helps me stay centered. He makes me lose my shit daily. He turns 10 five months from now.

I’m struggling. It’s time to start letting him go a bit at a time. It’s time to give him more freedom. It’s time to push him to become his own person bit by bit. The apron strings… they are a-tugging. The heart strings… they are a-breaking.

How do you let them pull away from you without trying to pull them back again and again?

So, this weeks assignment is to finish this phrase, “THE ONE THING I LOVE ABOUT MY BODY IS….”

Yeah, so that got a giant “FUCK ME!” when I read it on her blog. I mean, c’mon, anyone that knows me or has read my blog much knows that I have body image issues, huge, gigantic, ginormous, body image issues.

Finding ONE thing I like about my body is… daunting. As I sit here vomiting my thoughts into Cyberspace, struggling to find one thing about my body to love… I came to this conclusion.

“The one thing I love about my body is… the fact that it’s mine. Without it, I wouldn’t have experienced the life I have had. I wouldn’t be who I am.”

It’s probably not what my darling Janey had in mind… but it’s the honest truth.

Life is good. Life is steady. Life is moving forward.

I’ve felt like I don’t have anything to say these days because life has been so very… normal. I start to blog and then think, “No one wants to hear this stuff. There’s nothing juicy. There’s nothing interesting going on.” So, I’ve been silent.

Then my friend Cylithria poked her head out at me and basically told me to Shut the hell up and just POST. LOL. People, my friends, my family DO wanna know what’s going on. So… I’m starting again. Starting over…

The biggest thing in my life these days is the fact that I just turned 41. How weird is that? I honestly don’t feel a bit older than I did when I was 21. I mean, yes, the bod is showing signs of wear and tear, but I mean mentally. It’s hard to reconcile myself to the fact that I’m this old chronologically.

Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand. I’m not rending my clothes and beating my breast bone about it. However, where 40 didn’t bother me, 41 does.

You see, when J and I started talking about marriage we also talked about kids. He would like for us to have one. I said I’d be willing to give that a go. It has to happen before I turn 45 though. I’m 10 years older than I was when I had Shecky. I’m actually close to the same weight as I was when I was pregnant with him, but my health is not as good. I have diabetes and high blood pressure. Secondary infertility due to age, weight and other health concerns loom like the damn “Sword of Damocles”.

My 41st birthday brings with it a TON of pressure. I’m THAT much closer to 45. Wanna know the worst part? The pressure isn’t coming from J. It’s coming from within. He’s ok with it either way. He’s not going to divorce me if I don’t produce a child. I feel like I’ll fail him in a huge way if I don’t.

The shit we do to ourselves, eh?

I hope you all have a great weekend!!!