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• TT #??? : Holiday Hooplah

  11Dec
  Categories: Thursday Thirteen Comments: 3

  I LOVE the Holidays.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years… LOVE THEM.  However, there are things I would change.  Here’s my list of 13:

  1.  The STRESS.  I kid you not.  In THIS house, stress levels are always high.  When the Holidays come around… Holy Crap on a Steek…. Through. The. Stratosphere.  Dad and Mom always end up having HORRIBLE fights about doing the holidays here vs. with Mom’s family.  (Dad’s too back in the day.  They are all deceased now though.)  It takes away so much from everything this time of year and colors everyon’s interactions.

  2.  The EXPENSE.  On average, we spend $500.00 to $800.00 on Christmas.  It’s insane.  Why do we do it?  Because we’re idiots and get caught up in the commercialism of the season.  Sigh.  This year we aren’t spending that much.  No… we are NOT.

  3.  The FOOD.  My family cooks the same meal for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  That is the only time of year we fix those foods.  We do it a month apart.  WTF?  Dude… do the big ginormous meal on Thanksgiving.  Sure.  What about Christmas? Good question.  Fix something simple that we all love.  Gumbo, potato salad and a 7 layer salad.  Dessert can be Pecan Pie, Apple Pie or German Chocolate Cake.

  4.  The GREED.  Holy Crap.  My child is a marketing person’s DREAM.  He wants EVERYTHING he sees.  Yes, I know.  He’s only 8.  I have tried to teach him better though.  Sigh.  As it is, he’s having a Star Wars Christmas.

  5.  The Need.  So many struggle year round, but at the holidays it causes more stress and gets more attention.  Wouldn’t it be great if it was no longer an issue All. The. Time?

  6.  The Distance.  There are so many people I would love to share my holiday joy with.  Some live in Florida.  Some are in Nevada.  Some are in Kansas.  Some are in other parts of TX.  Some are in North Carolina.  Some are over seas.  The Internet is a wonderful tool for meeting all sorts of people in all sorts of places… but it sucks sometimes, too.  The physical distance between people you care about is sometimes a big ball of meh.

  7.  The Fleeting Goodwill.  This time of year brings out the best in many people.  However, once the holidays are over… so is that feeling of cheer, goodwill and brotherhood.  Everyday life takes over and we get the holiday let down.  That pisses me off.  If we could harness that holiday atmosphere and feeling, IMAGINE what we could do to better our own lives… and the lives of others.

  8.  The Crazy Crowd.  HOLY CRAP.  As much as the holidays bring out the best in some, they bring out the absolute CRAZIEST, MEANEST side of others.  I have two words for you… Black. Friday.  Oh wait… three more.  Trampled. To. Death.  Yeah… Maybe we have to have the two sides of the emotional coin for balance during the holidays, but… Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick!

  9.  The Decorative OVERLOAD.  Wow.  Some people really do not know when to say WOAH.  My grandmother, God rest her soul, was one of them.  We used to joke that if you put ONE MORE ornament on her tree that sucker would go crashing through the foundation of the house.  Only, yeah, we weren’t COMPLETELY kidding.

  10.  The Melancholy.  As much as I love the holidays, they make me say “I haz a sad”.  In the last 2 years I lost my grandfather at Christmas (December 18, 2007) and the following year watched my grandmother decline through the holidays until she passed away March 14, 2008.  Both were my mother’s parents.  The holidays have lost some of their lustre for her.  Watching her struggle so much with it upsets me.  She used to LOVE this time of year.

  11. 12. and 13.  Yeah.. they are all the same because I REALLY, REALLY hate this one.  The Loosing Site of the Message.  No, I am NOT going to throw Christian views at you here.  No matter what your faith, or non-belief, the holidays are supposed to be about family, friends, goodwill, peace in your hearts and, as Shecky says “All That Stuff”.  Too many make it about presents, food and decorations.  I’m guilty of it myself.  I will shop till the last damned second to find the “PERFECT” gift for someone.  It’s an obsession.  I’m trying hard to change that about myself.

  What would you change?

• Thursday Thirteen

  06Nov
  Categories: Thursday Thirteen Comments: 6

  13 Things I’ve Gone Through And Come Out The Other Side A Better Person

  1.  My father is emotionally abusive.  He has been my entire life.  I’ve worked hard to get past the damage he unwittingly did.  I still have self-esteem issues but I’m very self-aware of them and am working on it.  I don’t, however, blame him.  His mother was bi-polar and violent when manic.  It’s the whole Cycle of Abuse thing.  I see it.  I recognize it.  I work DAMNED hard not to carry that cycle forward with my son.

  2.  I have been overweight for the vast majority of my life.  While that sucks horribly, it did allow me to   become aware of the internal positives that I possess.

  3.  I’ve endured a LOT of teasing throughout my life because of my weight issues.  I learned about the ignorance, cruelty and fear others hold for anything or anyone different… and I learned how to handle it with aplomb.  Educate rather than berate. Tolerate rather than hate.

  4.  I had 3 miscarriages before having my son.  I was told I’d probably never have a child.  That almost destroyed me, literally.  I became stronger through dealing with it… and them being wrong didn’t hurt!!! Heh.

  5.  We tried to adopt through the state.  We were told 3 different times that sibling groups were ours… and they all went to other people.  Eventually the first group, 3 girls, one of which loved to sing, was available again and offered to us again.  Unfortunately, that same day I found out my grandfather had died from a car accident.  Shortly before all that, I had miscarried for the 3rd time.  I learned my limitations and I did what was best for me for a change.  We turned down the little girls I wanted so badly… because I couldn’t handle all that came with it.  I knew I wasn’t equipped to handle it.  I learned I really can’t handle everything, not even with help.  Certainly not alone.

  6.  I came close to dying when I had my son.  I was sick the entire pregnancy.  REALLY sick.  It took everything I had to get through my 8 hours at work.  I would come home and just fall down.  During labor my blood pressure went crazy (I had pre-eclampsia) and they were afraid I was going to have a stroke.  I learned my physical limitations… and that I’m stronger than I think I am at times.

  7.  Because of the emergancy C-section to have my son, EVERYONE saw him before I did.  This may not seem like a big deal to many of you but to me… it was just… horrible.  I should have been the first.  He came OUT of me afterall!  I was scared it would change the mythical mother/child bond.  I learned I was wrong.  The moment I saw him.. I knew he was in my heart completely.  I’m a superstitious dork.

  8.  My health sucks.  It’s MUCH better now but for years it was just awful.  I would get walking pneumonia several times a year and get a little less well each time.  Eventually this ran me into the ground.  It started a cycle of weight gain from feeling so badly, which caused me to do less and less… which caused more weight gain… It was an ugly cycle.  A frightening cycle.  I didn’t know how to fix it.  I learned how to ask for help BEFORE it’s too late from that one… mainly because it almost was too late.

  9.  I’ve had my heart broken by every guy I’ve ever loved.  Every.  I learned I CAN stand on my own… even if it sucks to have to do it.

  10.  I lost the joy in my life when I gave up singing.  I did it for the right reasons… but it was the wrong choice for me.  I learned how important it is to have a release valve for all the pressure and stress life has a way of bringing us.

  11.  I feel I totally failed at the life I had planned for myself.  I’m SO not where I expected I’d be at 40.  This lesson may have been one of the most difficult for me.  I can’t control everything… no matter how much I want to.

  12.  I am uneasy in my “home”… because it’s not MY home.  I make do… and I make the best of it I can.  I’m an optimist… eventually I’ll be in a place that’s mine.  I just have to get there….

  13.  Number 13… I’m not going to go into this one in detail… I still carry scars from it and probably always will.  It was a long, LONG time ago… and I’m still recovering from it… still learning I can trust… What I took away from it though is a life lesson worth learning.  Sometimes… things… just… happen.

• Thursday Thirteen: Things I’m Greatful For

  30Oct
  Categories: Thursday Thirteen Comments: 4

  1. My beautiful, loving, whip smart son.

  2. HusbandGuy who is willing to stand beside me through a lot… LOT of crap.

  3. Family that loves me and helps me even when I don’t think I need it.

  4. Time with my son.

  5. My Plurk Family.  You guys renew my faith in mankind daily.  You have no idea.

  6. Finally challenging my mind again.

  7. My ability to deal with people in general.

  8. Being able to drive a car again.

  9. Being older… it gives me the ability to see things more clearly than when I was 20.

  10. Dreams for the future…

  11.  Cantaloupe – When I want something sweet it saves my arse.

  12. Books — they’re often my escape capsule.

  13. Vocal Performance — Its a great outlet for me!