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• Little Disappointments, Big Steps

  29Oct
  Categories: Family, Screaming In The Wind, Therapy Notes Comments: 5

  The last few days have been odd. I’ve been hit with nausea, listlessness, other issues. At first, we thought, Oy… stomach… flu.

  As the days progressed we wondered…. Could it be? Was I possibly?

  We looked at the calendar. Counted back the days. Holy. Crap. I just MIGHT be.

  I didn’t allow myself to dwell on it… well, not TOO much.

  Another couple of days passed and the nausea was less… but still there. So were the other issues. I began to hope a little more. My friends that I had blabbed my suspicions to began to get more excited about the prospect as well. As did J.

  Then, the BIG realization that Aunt Flow had missed her monthly visit. I was a week late. That is TRULY when I started to believe. I could be pregnant. I got excited. We bought a test. I took it this morning.

  Negative.

  I cried for 4 hours this morning. I cried a little more this afternoon.

  It’s amazing how much you want something… yet don’t realize the depth of the want and need until it’s … gone.

  The thing is, I know I’m ready now. Not physically. I have more weight to lose. I have to get in better shape. However, in my heart, I’m ready to love another child.

  See, for a long time I worried. I loved Shecky so fiercely, so much, that I worried that I wouldn’t be ABLE to love another child the same. I can. That’s a huge change for me.

  Now I just have to get my body ready again!

• People Who Pray

  22Oct
  Categories: Everyday Kindness, Family, Friends, Screaming In The Wind Comments: 4

  I am a believer. I am not religious. I do not worship as a Roman Catholic, a Southern Baptist, a Methodist, a Morman or any other “named religion”. I believe in a higher power.

  I have a very dear, very special friend who is dying. She has Lupus. She has cancer. Her body is failing her and it is wasting away. She has lost 20 pounds in the last 7-9 days. The doctors have told her there is nothing else they can do. Her body has to right itself on its own.

  Most of you that read my blog know her. Cylithria of Why Not, Right is the friend I speak of. I don’t ask for much out of the world. Just that I find and surround myself with good, loving people who make the world a place worth being a part of. Cylithria is one of those people.

  The world would be so much less without her in it.

  I’ve seen the internet and blogosphere pull together for children, families in need and people with cancer. I’ve seen it offer support, prayer and help to people going through divorce, through therapy, and through deaths.

  Please, I beg of you. Pray for her. Send her healthy, healing energy. However you worship, whatever you believe, lift her up?

  I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of love. I believe in the power of the internet to pull people together.

  Lift her up.

• Back on the Hamster Wheel

  31Aug
  Categories: General Update, Screaming In The Wind, Self-Improvement, Weight Loss Progress Comments: 3

  So… I’ve been eating like crap lately. I admit it. Cheese… LOTS of cheese. Bread… OMG the Bread! Cookies, Apple Cake, Ice Cream… (That was just this weekend!!!!)

  My eating has gone off the deep end again. It seems if I don’t keep my eating in the forefront of all thoughts… it goes absolutely out of control! I can FEEL myself gaining back that 18 lbs I lost before the move. Grrrrrrrrrr.

  Today I start my no starchy/carby thing again. Back on the fruit and potatoes and off of the bread and rice and junkfood. (Why oh WHY do I always start this RIGHT BEFORE my monthly cycle? It’s like I’m a sadist and a masochist all rolled into one! Blerggh)

  Breakfast: 1 plum

  Lunch will be a can of bean soup.

  Dinner will be left over Chicken Curry with potatoes and carrots and a salad.

  I’ll supplement with other fruit through out the day. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

  ETA: Lunch ended up being 2 medium boiled eggs lightly salted and peppered and a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal (not instant) with cinnamon apple sauce added. Unfortunately, the milk was 2% not skim. Meh.