• Home
• About

 >

• People Who Pray

  22Oct
  Categories: Everyday Kindness, Family, Friends, Screaming In The Wind Comments: 4

  I am a believer. I am not religious. I do not worship as a Roman Catholic, a Southern Baptist, a Methodist, a Morman or any other “named religion”. I believe in a higher power.

  I have a very dear, very special friend who is dying. She has Lupus. She has cancer. Her body is failing her and it is wasting away. She has lost 20 pounds in the last 7-9 days. The doctors have told her there is nothing else they can do. Her body has to right itself on its own.

  Most of you that read my blog know her. Cylithria of Why Not, Right is the friend I speak of. I don’t ask for much out of the world. Just that I find and surround myself with good, loving people who make the world a place worth being a part of. Cylithria is one of those people.

  The world would be so much less without her in it.

  I’ve seen the internet and blogosphere pull together for children, families in need and people with cancer. I’ve seen it offer support, prayer and help to people going through divorce, through therapy, and through deaths.

  Please, I beg of you. Pray for her. Send her healthy, healing energy. However you worship, whatever you believe, lift her up?

  I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of love. I believe in the power of the internet to pull people together.

  Lift her up.

• Everyday Kindness – Tuesday Tellings

  03Mar
  Categories: Everyday Kindness Comments: 5

  My Simple Kindness for this week is pretty fab! It was something done for me by an unexpected source.

  I was made to feel at home and comfortable by people who could VERY easily and rightfully made me feel otherwise. They were friendly, welcoming and warm to me when circumstances gave them every right to be hostile, stand offish and cold. Thank God for the kindness of others.

  To those of you involved in this particular kindness, Thank You. I promise, it wasn’t unnoticed, nor was it a waste of time, energy and effort.

• Isn’t This Supposed to Make Me Feel BETTER?

  23Jan
  Categories: Black Days, Blogger Archives, Everyday Kindness, Screaming In The Wind, Self-Improvement Comments: 6

  So, today I started on Lexapro. Minimum dose. I don’t FEEL any different. What do you MEAN it doesn’t happen that fast? I need to be bettah NAO!

  Yeah… umm… Hi. The control freak in me is not happy. Go. Figure.

  I am trying to, as another blogger I respect a great deal says, “find my happy”. However, I want it found IMMEDIATELY… damnit! Sigh…

  My PCP advised me to find a therapist. There is ONE therapist, out here in the woods, that takes my insurance. THEY are not taking new patients. The insurance has granted me a waiver to go to someone out-of-network, which is GREAT! They’ll negotiate rates with them, blah blah blah. However, Yeah, I have to FIND them myself. *bangs head into desk* Ummm Hi. Remember me? The lady that can’t decide what to fix for dinner… YOU WANT ME TO FIND AND PICK MY OWN THERAPIST? WTF man? WTF??

  I know this process is painful and makes you deal with things you’d rather not. (And even more likely have managed NOT to deal with hence… the need for therapy) However, trial by fire is NOT MY FRIEND. Sigh…

  Ok… I just really needed to vent that out. ‘Cause… yanno… my bag of crazy… it’s gettin’ kinda… full. Heh.

  I am, however, trying some self-help stuff right now. I bought The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmumd J. Bourne, PhD. I’m only on page 10 but I’m making a concious effort to go slow and really ponder what applies and what doesn’t, as well as HOW it applies.

  It’s really interesting. I’ve already learned that my need to please, my expectations of perfection from myself and my control-freakishness are ALL symptoms of anxiety disorders. ALL. OF. THEM.

  Let me help you understand why that’s a big deal here: I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT! ALWAYS!
  I truly do not remember a time in my life where those particular facets of who I am did not exist.

  You may be asking yourself, “So… Ok. What does that mean… exactly.” It means I’ve probably always needed the help I’m finally getting at the age of 40. It MEANS I probably wouldn’t be Crazy McDepressionPants had a lot of things been different. It MEANS… after 40 years… maybe there’s hope that I can be “normal”, whatever the hell that is, eventually and that the underlying sadness I feel… the apathy I feel… the ache I feel… really ARE because I’m defective… and not because I deserve it. Maybe it really isn’t because I deserve it.

  Maybe.