• 30May
    Today is Sheckys first day of Summer Vacation!

    The last day of school a letter was sent home with all the kids. On the back, there was an essay by Robert Kelly-Goss of the N.Y. Times News Service. It made me weep… just a little. It made me realize… often, these days, kids are just miniature adults rather than carefree lil’ kids.

    It’s Time Kids Did What Kids Do In Summer As We Used To …

    I want you to run wild and free through the streets of your neighborhood on a hot summer afternoon, tiring yourself so thoroughly that you can barely make it to the bed before you put pajamas on and brush your teeth.

    I would like to see you stain the soles of your feet green and brown and cause your mother to shake her head as she scrubs so hard to get it off, but it won’t until the first chill of autumn drives your shoes back on your feet.

    I want you to show me what a fort looks like and just how you would build it.

    I want you to rummage through scrap piles and find wonderfully odd pieces of wood and the like and build a fort, then I DARE you boys to keep the girls out; it won’t work. I promise.

    I want to see you, when you’re tired, sitting int he shade of a giant tree, sipping lemonade poured from the stand you set up, leftover after you sold a few nickles’ worth to a passerby.

    I would like to see you and your friends on your bikes, towels slung over your shoulders, riding furiously to the local pool or the water hole.

    I want to see you on your way back, pedaling a little slower, no worse for the wear, but rightly tired just the same.

    I want to see you at bat imitating your favorite player, not at screen, seeing a virtual image of him as he plays a game you control with a joystick.

    I want to see you find simple pleasures and joy from merely picking up a dandelion and blowing it into the sky. Watching those little feathery pieces float in the sunlight, your face lit up, ear to ear.

    I want to see you give up the frustrations of a life inside, or on the cell phone, and head back out where the world is more than a text message or an e-mail to a friend.

    It’s where friends meet, or happen upon one another, and days are spent just doing whatever, imagining things and creating games so fanciful and imaginative that suddenly it’s late, and your parents are worried, and you might be in for it now because you missed your curfew.

    Dear child, I would like to see you jump in the puddles outside your house in the rain or even play a silly game of hide and seek.

    I just want to see you, outside, playing, away from video games and computers and cellphones and televisions.

    I want to see you having the kind of fun that can only happen because you’re bored, and forced to create something out of nothing. That’s what I would like for you, child, as summer nears.

    He’s been inside all day. He can’t find anyone to play with outside. He hates playing alone. Meh. So far he’s watched TV, played on the laptop, Played with the X-Box 360, watched MORE TV… sigh. I have no clue what to do with him. I want all those things FOR him… but I have no idea how to GIVE them to him when he abhors playing alone so much… and I can’t do most of those things just yet.
  • 28May

    Cancer runs through my family like a fire in the woods during a drought. My uncle on Dad’s side, both his parents, even dad himself had pre-cancerous cells removed. My maternal grandfather, several great uncles… the list just goes on an on.

    I’m scared. I’m not to proud to admit it. There is something… wrong… with my body. It makes absolutely no sense. I’ve researched it on the Internet… and… nothing… fits. Not even my fear of cancer… but it’s there… lurking… making my cry at odd moments…. Driving me to drink until I loose time and hurl on the shoes of people that have known me most of my life. That’s not a metaphor friends… THAT… was my Saturday night.

    I know this fear is unreasonable, but, it’s not… all at the same time. I have no idea what is causing the issue I’m having. Cancer is … not… unknown. It’s something I can hold onto in my head and I know something about… have experience with. God… maybe my focusing on that possibility is making me… less … afraid simply because it’s not unknown? Maybe fearing the worst I can think of will make it easier to deal with whatever it actually IS?

    I have a knot… on my C-section scar. I’ve had it for 4-5 YEARS now. In the last year or so its begun bleeding just before my cycle begins…. it weeps at other times… I have pain for a week AFTER my cycle ends. Deep pain… where my scar is. I’m scared… I hurt… I’m obsessed…

    I have a Dr.’s appointment with my PCP Monday. I fully expect to be referred to a different doctor for tests. I don’t expect to know much more after my appointment than I do now. Yet, I’m going and hoping I’m wrong.

    It’s probably NOTHING and I’m overreacting… but the pain… the bleeding… the weeping… they’re scary things… things I don’t understand.

    I am a control freak… hear me whimper…

  • 28May
    I’m just going to call this post things that are pissin’ me off.

    My son and his unshakable belief that if he argues with me he’ll be able to change my mind.

    My body and its penchant for causing me pain… lots of pain… and scaring the crap out of me.

    My body again for bleeding in places it shouldn’t be… and not giving me an explanation as to said fluid leakage.

    My parents for acting like children when they deal with one another… and I DO NOT mean in a good way.

    My bank for not giving me free money :P

    That is all…