• 31Jan

    … You know you make me wanna, Shout! Oh, how I wish that were true.

    It’s not often I get serious or political here on my blog. I know a lot of what I post is just random, stream of conciousness stuff and not very titilating or interesting. That’s just my life. I LIVE IN THE WOODS for pitty’s sake. Not. A. Lot. Going. ON! Heh.

    However, today I’m going to stray on to the political and serious path.

    I posted earlier on how I was torn because I didn’t know much about any of our candidates participating in the bid for POTUS.

    First, let me say I’m neither a Democrat or a Republican. I am not someone that votes on party lines. I try to vote my conscious and put my vote toward the people I believe will address the issues that are currently the most important. That changes often from election to election.

    I got on the WWW and found out some stuff. Over at CityMama and MOMocrats I have found a n abundance of information and food for thought. Unfortunately, John Edwards, the horse I had finally chosen to back, dropped out of the race yesterday. I firmly believe we need a Democrat as POTUS for the next 4 years. I’m now at a crossroads.

    I WANT to like both Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton. I just… don’t.

    Let me start with Mrs. Clinton. First, I don’t have a lot of faith in anyone named Clinton. I didn’t like a lot of what went on when Mr. Clinton was our POTUS. I realize a lot of it was his “Personal Life” being made public but… it makes it difficult to put faith in either half of that team and put the fate of our country and my child’s future in their hands.

    Having said that… she’s got a lot of really good ideas and isn’t afraid to put the details of how to fund and implement them out there for us to see. Her official website has a lot of information on said details. Just click on the header for the topic you want to know about and it spells out a lot of her plans. However, I’m not naive enough to believe that, if they are more than just lip service and empty promises, I will even recognize them if she were elected and these items of her agenda were pushed forward and implemented. Unfortunately, too many fingers will be in those pies and likely a lot of it will be changed until it doesn’t resemble her original ideas.

    Barak Obama is our other possibility for the Democrats Candidate. His official website has a message of hope. Everything he’s talking about brings about warm fuzzy feelings that things can be better. I’m not finding a lot of substance to his ideas though. They seem much more vague than Mrs. Clinton’s. There’s less detail, less substansive evidence that he knows what he wants to do and HOW he wants to do it. That makes me a bit… nervous.* I also feel like he lacks experience in the venue of Foreign Policy. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing at this point. Often times, I feel we medle too much in other countries business and don’t put enough focus on the problems that exist in our own country. I’m bothered, and yet not, but this aspect of Mr. Obama.

    Maybe I’ve become too jaded about politics and politicians. I remember when I was 18 and first entering the world of political activism. I found a candidate for State Senate that I truely believed in. I worked on his campaign and did everything in my power to get him elected. My very first time in the voting booth I had someone I wanted to vote FOR. Today, and in the elections of the past oh… 26 or so years, I find myself voting against the biggest evil rather than for someone I believe in. Ahhh, youth. How I long for the optimism and beliefs you brought to me.

    Help me friends. Who do you back? Tell me why. Help me find a reason to vote for someone rather than against. Help me find that optimism that change can occur for the better and that I can be some small part of it.

    *I realize, based on my comments about not having a lot of faith that Mrs. Clinton’s ideas would be recognizable if ever implemented the above comment makes me seem like a hipocrate. I just prefer to know they do have ideas and details at the ready for their plans.

    **Please forgive any words spelled incorrectly. For some reason Blogger’s spell check feature isn’t working for me. Meh.

  • 31Jan

    … But I don’t feel fine…

    I have a situation that I’m not sure how to address.

    I’ve mentioned Shecky’s Godfather before, Unca B. I failed to mention that he has something called Wegner’s Granulatomasis Vasculitis. It’s bad. It’s difficult. It’s… well, basically it’s killing him. It’s attacked his kidneys, his sinuses and now its begun an assault on his lungs. He has nodules and scarring and is now exhibiting pleuresy like symptoms… only… not pleuresy. Last Tuesday he wound up in the ER unable to breathe. Tonight on the phone he sounded like ass. Warmed Over Ass, to be precise. I thought he was tired… but no… he’s having problems breathing.

    I have to tell you, I love this man with every piece of my being. I have for a long time. He’s my best friend, my biggest support and the first one to call bullshit on me when its needed. I’m scared taht he’s dying. No, I KNOW he’s dying. I’m scared that its happening WAY faster than I’m ready for. I’m not sure how to deal with that.

    That’s not really the problem. Shecky LOVES Unca B. Like, HERO WORSHIPS the man. How do I explain it all to him? or… Do I at all? Do I just tell him he’s sick and leave it at that? Do I say nothing and when the end comes just tell him he’s gone? Can I just leave the child a note? Yeah, I know… Bad Mommy. I’m just at a complete loss on this one. Dealing with my own feelings about his illness is impossible… How do I do it for him?

  • 30Jan

    not so much…

    Shecky has been driving me INSANE the past few days. Temper tantrums, whining, crying, and fit throwing from dawn till dreams. I’ve been at my wit’s end with the child. I’ve tried threats of grounding, threats of early bedtimes, threats of no “treats” before bed… and then I followed through on all of them. (Ok.. not the early bedtime one. But all the others!) I’ve cajoled, screamed, beat my head into the table… (Oh… not really that last one… not LITERALLY) and this morning I reached my limit.

    I told him NO MORE. If he has an issue he can TALK to me about his problem or what he disagrees with but I will NOT accept any more of the above behaviors… THAT. IS. IT!

    Yeah… he whined a bit about doing his homework and a bit more when we went over some papers he’d done in class and made not so great grades on (Read D’s) but he was much better tonight. He seemed… subdued though. Sad, really.

    That got me to thinking. I’ve spent the last few weeks basically feeling like ass. I’ve dealt with everything from menstrual cycles every 2 weeks to a full 7 days of blood sugar crashes… sometimes multiple crashes a day. All my energy was going to just getting… through… the… day.

    My patience levels have been really LOW as well. I’ve been yelling a lot more at him rather than directing and correcting him. Shit. It finally hit me…

    The whining, fit throwing, crying and foot stomping increased over the last few weeks. The less attention, of the POSITIVE type he got… the more he was acting out and bratting up my air space. Frick, Frick, FRIKKITY, Frick. It was my fault. He’s just a lil’ boy no matter how grown up he seems sometimes.

    Tonight, we played a bit on the XBOX 360. We watched American Idol together, curled up on the couch. We goofed off together during commercials.

    Suddenly, before my eyes, he started turning into my sweet, funny boy. Yeah he bitched a bit about going to bed. Pulled the old dejected, sighing, unenthusiastic “Love you too” routine. However, no whining, no crying, no fit throwing and no mommy yelling.

    Hell… I might actually be getting the hang of this parenting stuff! Naaaaaaaah.